The Horrible Life We Lead
by ILoveSupernaturalcasismine
Summary: My first HS AU! YAY! Angst-y but will have happy ending filled with gay love XD Destiel, Sabriel, possible others XD YAY! :) Rated T for now but that may change ;)


_**A/N: Hey, sorry guys. I told you I was workin' on my updating, but it's not much better yet. I'm not givin' up on it though :) On a happier note, this is my first High School AU! YAY! Sadly, the beginning is gonna be pretty angsty :( But it'll eventually get better :) Destiel, Sabriel, possibly many other pairings, the usual XD Enjoy! :)**_

Castiel Novak startled awake when his alarm clock blared "Carry On My Wayward Son", his favorite song. He quickly dressed and went to the bathroom before going outside to catch the bus.

"_Great, another day at that stupid school," _he thought sadly, as he climbed on the bus behind his brothers.

He sat in his usual seat near the back and stared out the window for the hour-long bus ride. He didn't actually mind the bus ride; the longer it lasted, the more time he had before he got to that stupid school and had to do that stupid work and carry on with his stupid life.

Ok, so maybe he had some issues. Like the fact that he was bisexual, was born to homophobic parents, and lived in a city where it wasn't widely accepted. Then there was the fact of him having a crush on his only friend who wasn't into dudes and could never remember his name. Oh, and he had no friends besides the one he was crushing on and his fanfiction friends. Of course, there was also the little fact that he hated himself.

He was different. He was too different. Different was bad, really, really bad. Different was what caused him to think all those horrible thoughts involving razors, knives, guns, and ropes. Being different sucked.

So, rather than being openly different and being openly hated, he decided to be the quiet, invisble kid that no one noticed. Really, being invisible was much better than being hated. Well, that's what he told himself, but sometimes he wasn't so sure.

Sometimes he wondered if it would be better to be hated. Being hated would mean being bullied by other teenagers, but that would be so much better. He knew from experience that words others used against you hurt. Those words meant they really felt that you were disgusting and worthless.

He also knew from experience that those words hurt more if you were thinking them about yourself. They hurt more because that meant you really felt you were disgusting and worthless. And that meant you really were disgusting and worthless.

Sometimes, he thought about how people would react if ever he told them. In those thoughts, someone would ask why he was so quiet, and he'd tell them it was because he was afraid to show people the real him because they'd hate the real him. Someone would say that they wouldn't hate him, and he'd tell them they would, because he was the only one who knew the real him and he hated him.

But that's just another way he's different. It's just another reason for him to hide in the bathroom for the last 5 minutes of lunch period. It's just another reason for him to spend activity period in the library, reading books with diseases and their symptoms to try and figure out how to fix himself. It's just another reason for him to die a virgin.

It's just another reason for him to think about ending it. He never would, of course. He was so much of a coward that he didn't even cut. He just wished he did. It was ironic, really. His mother called suicide 'the coward's way out', and he was too much of a coward to even take the coward's way out.

He knew it wasn't the coward's way out because he knew it wasn't something cowardly. It was something people did when life became too unbearable. Sometimes his life felt like that. At those times, he'd read some fanfiction of his OTP from his favorite T.V. show, or watch some episodes of his show. Yes, sad as that was, that was his life. He sighed as the bus pulled up to his school. He wasn't ready for this shit.

_**A/N #2: How's it lookin' so far? Do you people like it? I have a question: who do you think should be the friend on the bus? Should it be an OC? Fun fact: when I was typing the last line, I realized 'this' and 'shit' have the same letters XD Sorry, random XD**_


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